Are you feeling the Christmas spirit? Maybe you’ve been feeling it for a while, a few months now? Have you had the kids Santa Photos taken, the dogs Santa Photos taken, the Christmas decorations up, the Christmas lights up, and that strange Christmas train with the freaky deaky music that circles your Christmas tree, which is of course, up for a while now? Maybe you even have…DUN DUN DUN!

THE ELF ON THE GODDAMN SHELF
via this interesting article. 

Don’t mistake my cynical tone for Bah-humbuggery, there are many Christmas traditions that I wouldn’t dream of skipping. Here are a few of them.

  • A real tree. It must be real, not really-good-pretend-fakery, regardless of the quality. I don’t care about the pine needles dropping, just sweep them up before new years eve and we are good. It’s not just the amazing smell (better than any pine scented air freshener, so forget using those as decorations) it’s just….the vibe. I grew up with a real Christmas tree at Christmas, and I’ve continued that for my family. It’s tradition. The only time I can embrace a good quality non real tree is if you are planning on more than one, then I say Forrest Away in Peace. 
  • Leaving stockings out for Santa, presents in the morning, a family lunch of a shared feast, a snooze or maybe a swim after pudding. Der! As if anyone would forgo this!
  • A welcoming wreath on the door. I make a new one every year, sometimes from natural materials and sometimes not. See, I can mix it up!
  • Crackers on the table. No I won’t call them bonbons and yes you WILL wear the paper crown.
  • Traditional gingerbread, made by the tonne and given away every year.
Obviously, the best part of Christmas is the time of happiness and good cheer that your get to spend with your family, and every family has their own traditions, which is what makes the whole thing so wonderful. So enjoy, and each to his own! 
Having said that, here are some traditions that I cannot embrace.
  • That creepy fucking elf. To be fair, I have issues with child eating clowns and sometimes possessed dolls that will stab you with a steak knife while you sleep, so perhaps it’s no surprise that The Elf isn’t for me. Even the funny images of elf doing coke with naked barbies makes me shiver. 
  • A tinsel tree, of dubious colour. It’s just not right. Your home is not a butchers window.
  • Going fully Christmas before it’s even December. 
  • An Advent Calendar. I have no problem with this, we just don’t do it. Growing up, it was only Catholic kids that had chocolate calendars, and as a non practicing Anglican family, we missed out. >sad trombone< Even though my children go to Catholic school, it just feels strange. I’m happy to eat chocolate, just not from a calendar. My MIL bought one for the boys one year, and it was eaten in 2 days; or to put The Gentlemans finer point on it – he ate his brother’s in two days, but kept his own legit. So according to Monkey Logic, he is obviously responsible enough for an advent calender. 
  • Changing your decorations every year. Is this a traditional oxymoron? What do you do with all of the ones your children made? Or those keep-saky ones that some crafty friend or rello made you?
  • The Santa Photo. I know, right? I am obviously some kind of monster and my children are very sad and deprived.. Teenage Daughter wouldn’t have a bar of this when she was young, and we’ve just stuck with the tradition of not doing it. Also, I know it’s a bit of fun but I just think we spend the whole year telling our kids about stranger danger and then at Christmas we queue to plonk our kid on some drunk guys lap. It’s not right.
I have no problem with Christmas lights, just not on my house. I’m happy to come round and look at yours, though. 
So, do you agree or disagree? What traditions do you love or loathe at this time of year? 
(It’s not just me that has the elf hate, surely?)
xx

3 thoughts on “Christmas Traditions

  • 12/10/2013 at 3:01 AM
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    Your lack of treeportunity makes me sad! Two wrongs don't make a right – you should all embrace Christmas and Chinese New Year equally. Oh, hang on..I remember 'He died with a Falafel in his hand". Never mind. But people who refuse the paper crown are indeed arseholes.
    Oh MY GOD are you serious about the Gingerbread Khalua?? I am SO THERE! *sound of door slamming, footsteps*
    xxx

  • 12/10/2013 at 2:24 AM
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    Ok, here we go…

    – Real tree, no can do…I can't even do a fake one! I share with Chinese and they don't do Christmas so my room only has enough room for tinsel and glittery bows sadly no tree. When I finally have a place of my own I still won't do a real tree but I can't wait to get lots of pretty decos for my fake tree 😛
    – Everything about this YES!!
    – No wreath, see aforementioned glittery bow
    – Cracker, bon bon, don't care their jokes are all as bad as each other. P.S People who won't wear the paper crown are assholes 😛
    – OMG gingerbread! I am too lazy to cook it but love to eat it! FYI Khalua has brought out these cute little Christmassy bottles that are, wait for it, GINGERBREAD FLAVOUR!! Get thy to Dan Murphys! Cannot wait to try it!

    Now…

    – Elf, I'm only shitty because it never existed when I was a kid therefore I missed out on all kinds of shit. Speaking of which, being the younger child means you get less Santa presents because your older sibling(s) keep getting them to keep up the rouse until you're finally given 'the talk'. No fair!
    – Coloured tree = no
    – I only hold back for the sake of everyone else, inside me it is Christmas in November 😛
    – I actually nearly bought myself an advent calendar this year because CHOCOLATE. But then I didn't. Such a good girl.
    – See previous point on sharehousing
    – Did them when I was a kid, did one with my big sister as a bit of a joke for my dad a couple of years ago. Still just as weird although admittedly funnier.

    Also, agree on the Christmas light front!

  • 12/12/2013 at 6:04 AM
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    LMAO that fucking elf is doing my head in because he has forgotten to change positions at least 4 days so far and the kids tears over a potentially dead elf are starting to bug me…. 🙂 xx

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